Ch-ch-ch- ch-changes

It's been a while since I've written.  It's not really on purpose, but sometimes life moves at a pace with which my mind can't really keep up.  I am still processing it and formulating thoughts and feelings about it all.  I find myself spinning and zigzagging to face the changes that are flying at me now.  I ponder what changes God and life have brought and the choices I have made to create changes in my life over the last few years.  Some were subtle, some were monumental.  And I look now at what is unfolding before us with both excitement and slight anxiety for the unknown.

In some ways my life looks much different now than two years ago.  Then I was extremely unhappy working a full-time job that did not offer any satisfaction but emotionally and physically took everything I had to make it through a day--It was not the work, but the people and their manipulations and squabbling who were literally driving me to the brink of my sanity and draining me. (By the way, reliable resources say this work environment is still the same.)  Today, I work part-time as a substitute teacher and love it!  I have more time with my family and the place I work is a professional environment where healthy boundaries exist and mutual respect is shown.  My children are much happier to have me with them (yes,even at school together) and fully attentive and mostly compassionate (because I am still challenged there).  My husband, who travels almost constantly, is thrilled that I can be with him when he does get a few days at home.

This morning, in my comfy over-sized chair, it dawned on me that next year my life will look a lot different from now, from two years ago, from ever before.  And I realized that when you are younger, your life does naturally change at a much more rapid pace.  Many people graduate high school, earn their college degree, enter the work force, and maybe even marry in the period of four or five years.  I did.  After that, the big changes usually occur at a slower pace.  By the time you reach your forties, you've mostly settled in so you may help your children adjust to their changes and deal with the impact their changes bring to you.  Being an observer to the changes your children experience is challenging enough!

But the old axiom is true, as long as we are living and breathing, we are changing.  (Thank you, God!)  I know I am not the only one who finds myself making big transitions at this stage of life.  Collectively we find ourselves here for a myriad of reasons, sometimes a combination of more than one.  It's the economy and its casualties, a midlife or health crisis, a spiritual wake-up call, a redefining of values and priorities, a new vocational calling, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, a heart's true desire, or you fill in the blank.  Whatever the reason, we are not alone.  I am  in the company of other people, and most importantly, God.

While my changes are good and my emotions about them are mostly positive, still I have to be careful not to rush through the now to get to the "when".  And when those moments of anxiety about the unknown and the future creep in, I must remember that God is in control and that I am able to be in constant communion with Him.  The devotional I read, Jesus Calling: Seeking Peace in His Presence, reminded me yesterday.

           You are on the path of My choosing.  There is no randomness about your life.  Here      
            and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life.  Most people let their moments
            slip through their fingers, half-lived.  They avoid the present by worrying about the future
            or longing for a better time and place.  They forget that they are creatures who are sub-
            ject to the limitations of time and space.  They forget their Creator, who walks with them
            only in the present.

Enjoy this day!

Mary