When I decided to revive my blog earlier this week, I had concerns about being able to find time and topics to write about. Not to worry, life brings ample opportunity--especially as we age.
When you make a long distance move, finding doctors and getting yourself established as a patient is a long and time-consuming process. New patients get last priority for routine (read middle-age necessary) appointments. New patients also get the most inconvenient mid-day time slot which is ever so conducive to a work schedule. I scheduled appointments in September for the end of December.
Two weeks ago I was finally able to get my diagnostic mammogram. It didn't go so well, so I got the call-back that no woman wants. Yesterday, I went back for a second mammogram and an ultrasound. And when that wasn't good enough, I had the dreaded biopsy. To relieve your worry that a biopsy procedure hurts, I will tell you it absolutely does not. The sound is rather alarming, but it doesn't hurt physically. But for me (and most women), just being told that a biopsy must be performed is an emotionally gut-wrenching experience. I prayed like crazy. I knew the statistics were in my favor; that most biopsies come back normal. I was told that I would possibly hear back today, but most likely it would be Monday.
The thoughts and fears flooded in through the corners of my mind, and I fought to plug the leaks. My mind cycled so quickly through the phases of what might be. It made me think about what really matters, and for that I am truly grateful. I am far too serious, and I can lose perspective about who and what truly matters. Life is meant to be enjoyed too, especially because I already do work hard. I want and need that perspective to stay with me.
I was exhausted and it didn't take long for sleep to come after putting my head on the pillow. Unfortunately, the fear surfaced in my dreams and flowed out of my pores until my gown and sheets were soaked with sweat. Rest was short-lived, and I was awake before the alarm went off. I went to work. My sweet co-workers hugged and comforted me with warm words. My Nurse Practitioner called with prayers and more comfort. I emailed with a sweet blog friend who has been there. I kept myself busy, but I walked around in a cold sweat all day. It's a good thing for everyone else that I applied Ladies' Speed Stick and Narciso Rodriguez perfume. I sure hope it worked for those who came near me, but I could still smell the distinct odor of fear.
My answer came just two minutes after I pulled out of the parking lot at school. The doctor asked, "Would you like some good news?" A smile spread across my face, and it rests there still.
I give a heartfelt "thanks" for all those of you who pray(ed) for me.
Hugs!
Mary
"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."
Psalm 29:7
