I Know What Fear Smells Like...

and it stinks!

When I decided to revive my blog earlier this week, I had concerns about being able to find time and topics to write about. Not to worry, life brings ample opportunity--especially as we age.

When you make a long distance move, finding doctors and getting yourself established as a patient is a long and time-consuming process.  New patients get last priority for routine (read middle-age necessary) appointments.  New patients also get the most inconvenient mid-day time slot which is ever so conducive to a work schedule. I scheduled appointments in September for the end of December.

Two weeks ago I was finally able to get my diagnostic mammogram.  It didn't go so well, so I got the call-back that no woman wants.  Yesterday, I went back for a second mammogram and an ultrasound.  And when that wasn't good enough, I had the dreaded biopsy.  To relieve your worry that a biopsy procedure hurts, I will tell you it absolutely does not.  The sound is rather alarming, but it doesn't hurt physically.  But for me (and most women), just being told that a biopsy must be performed is an emotionally gut-wrenching experience. I prayed like crazy.  I knew the statistics were in my favor; that most biopsies come back normal. I was told that I would possibly hear back today, but most likely it would be Monday.

The thoughts and fears flooded in through the corners of my mind, and I fought to plug the leaks. My mind cycled so quickly through the phases of what might be.  It made me think about what really matters, and for that I am truly grateful.  I am far too serious, and I can lose perspective about who and what truly matters.  Life is meant to be enjoyed too, especially because I already do work hard.  I want and need that perspective to stay with me.  

I was exhausted and it didn't take long for sleep to come after putting my head on the pillow.  Unfortunately, the fear surfaced in my dreams and flowed out of my pores until my gown and sheets were soaked with sweat.  Rest was short-lived, and I was awake before the alarm went off.  I went to work.  My sweet co-workers hugged and comforted me with warm words.  My Nurse Practitioner called with prayers and more comfort.  I emailed with a sweet blog friend who has been there.  I kept myself busy, but I walked around in a cold sweat all day.  It's a good thing for everyone else that I applied Ladies' Speed Stick and Narciso Rodriguez perfume.  I sure hope it worked for those who came near me, but I could still smell the distinct odor of fear. 

My answer came just two minutes after I pulled out of the parking lot at school.  The doctor asked, "Would you like some good news?"  A smile spread across my face, and it rests there still. 

I give a heartfelt "thanks" for all those of you who pray(ed) for me.  

Hugs!
Mary 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song."

Psalm 29:7

Blog In Progress

Hello, there.  It's been quite a long time.  I have been on an extended blog break because of, well, my new life.  It's not that there isn't a lot to write about, that's for sure.  Finding the time has been the biggest challenge.  And although it's often been on my mind, I have found myself reluctant to post. 

I seriously pondered what else would keep me from posting regularly.  It dawned on me that with all the changes in my life, that the look of my blog and, perhaps, my voice has changed over the last few months. I began this blog in a different place geographically and emotionally.  I pondered starting a new blog with a new name, but I decided against it for now. 

I am making some changes to this blog to more authentically reflect my life now.  Not that I am a completely different person, but it would be impossible and undesirable not to grow and change through all this.  I have dreams to expand the kind of posts I publish, add more photography, and write more regularly. I would love for this blog to offer more of what I see out there in the blog world.  My two favorite bloggers are Edie of www.lifeingraceblog.com and Paige of paigeknudsen.com. These ladies are authentic, faithful, talented, and beautiful (spiritually and physically).  I've met and spoken with both of them, and they are the real deal.  Check them out to see why I {heart} them and their blogs.

See you again soon!

Mary  

You Just Never Know and Now What?

I feel like I am currently the poster child for the phrase "You just never know what you might get".  I could go into detail here, but I will spare you most of the details and deal with them myself.  When you find yourself in a new place and situation, well, you really don't know what's bound to be in store for you.  And your own best intentions, detailed planning, and positive outlook don't always achieve the results you hoped for.  What was it Mom said about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?  Well, let's not dwell on that!

Just some of the things I didn't know I was in for:

Hugs and warm greetings from Walmart employees

Bug species and sizes I've never seen or heard of before

giant beetle(that's Kenny's shoe)

a gas leak

skies filled with three types of clouds at once

package/ red dot stores

being awakened by the chirping of  frogs, not birds

The list could go on, but I will stop with the one that has really hung me up.  It took a long time to get my SC teaching certification, and when it came it was a pleasant, but loaded surprise.  I am happy to say that  I am highly qualified in the areas of English and Middle Level Language Arts and have certification in theater, but it's the second certification that threw me.  In Ohio, I can teach grades 7-12.  In South Carolina, I can teach Language Arts down to the 5th grade!  While that thrills me, I have missed several job opportunities that I could not afford to miss, especially this close to the school year.  I know you are wondering if I had called and asked in what I would be certified.  I did, but I was told that it would have to be determined because the Department of Education representative had never even heard of my certification before!  I am more than frustrated at my missed opportunities--especially when I had no information to work with.   Today found me scrambling to apply for a position I am now qualified to teach.  I really need and want to get a full-time teaching job, and I am very concerned about the consequences of that not happening!

Sometimes we just can't anticipate, control, or even remedy the things that happen in our lives.  What we have to do is try to keep our perspective and not allow those life-quakes and bumps in the road to paralyze us with fear. First, we have to get back up on our feet and figure the best course of action with what we have left, even while we are still dealing with the aftershocks.  I find myself especially challenged by this sometimes.  Perhaps I'm a bit of a drama queen, but I can begin to get lost in the worst-case scenario and want to give up all hope.  (Kenny and my puffy eyelids will attest to such an occurrence within the last 24 hours.) Secondly, we have to actually step out and take action toward restoration or construction of our plan.  Fear of failure (again), just plain fear, defeat, or even a sense of unworthiness can keep us from ever making the first step.   I have been challenged over the last few weeks to feel my fear and do whatever it is anyway.  And I encourage you to do the same, even if it means you don't succeed.  Just taking positive action helps build confidence and competence to try again.  I have worked up my courage by praying and talking to God on my way through challenges.  Sometimes I have even told God that I wasn't prepared or didn't want to, but I would go ahead and do the best or right thing.  I have to admit that there are even times when I have felt or do feel very alone and somewhat abandoned by God.  In those times, I try to imagine what I would do if I felt God was cheering me on, and then I do that thing. (Notice I use the word felt here which is not a true reflection of reality!) I always seem to feel better after I have taken action, and I continue to pray for wisdom and blessings as I try to make my way back onto the path.  

What has knocked you off your feet that you didn't see coming?  Maybe it's the actions of a friend or family member, a death, a job or lack of one, a home or car repair, a diagnosis.  Remember what the Lord has said...

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified;do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you 

wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

Long Distance Moves: A Short Tutorial

I have heard many people at my stage of life say that they don't know where they would even begin if they had to pick up and move the way we did.  For others, moving every several years is just a way of life--think military or pastor families.  Let me be straightforward: moving long distance with a family is not for the faint of heart.  But it can be and is done all the time.  I thought I'd share what I have learned mostly the hard way.  Maybe it will be useful for you when you have to or want to move, even if it's not until retirement.  (Shannon, this post is especially for you!)

First, check out your new community as much as possible.  There is a lot of grunt work involved in this, especially when it comes to finding a place(housing/neighborhood) to live. The internet is the best place to start.  Check out the newspaper online.  Call the city building and talk to someone there.  Visit, more than once.  While there, go to the Chamber of Commerce and talk to the person there.  They will give you all kinds of newcomer pamphlets, a phone book, a list of helpful phone numbers. We were fortunate; the lady who works at our Chamber of Commerce is a transplant from Indiana.  When you find a potential home, take the time to drive the area in the morning, afternoon, and after dark.  This will help you know what the atmosphere and neighbors are like. Scout out the stores and other places you frequent.  Where are they and how far do you have to go to get to them.  A local hospital was a must--it's the mom in me. Visit a church and see how you are received.  We chose the church with a large youth group, and we think we got it right.

Second, prepare yourself for what all you have to do to get established in the new place and close up shop in the old.  Navigating utilities and government agencies can be a real headache.  For example, we had to show up in person to have the utilities switched over.  Some things can't be done over the phone.  Find out what it takes to get your driver's license, your kids enrolled in school, your car insurance transferred.  Don't forget to  notify your creditors, subscriptions, etc of your address change.  Even though I did, some still are in the process of getting it right.  It's also important that you find out about sales, property,  and employment tax rates in your new area.  Things may be done very differently in other places.  We now pay annual property tax on our cars, but our driver's licenses are good for ten years.  No local employment tax, but the state tax is a flat rate.  In Ohio, there's a sliding scale for income tax.

Third, once you have found a house, do your homework.  We were fortunate enough to be given the keys to the properties and sent out to look at them on our own(highly unusual).  We took our time and spent at least an hour in each of the contenders.  We took pictures, made extensive notes, and took measurements.  We visualized our stuff and our lives in the space.  We wrote down what we had that would work in the spaces, right down to the curtain rods.  We listed what we would need.  When I got home, I made lists of what would move with us and what had to be sold.  The fact that we are about 100 miles from the coast means that there are no basements.  Since I had a basement, that called for some pretty drastic storage changes.  Have a garage sale!  Donate the rest.  Weed out all the things you don't need or absolutely love.  If you can afford it, sell almost everything and buy new(or new to you).  I am not kidding.  Take only your personal effects and most valued treasures.  I would have bought almost all new furniture if I could have.  

As far as the moving goes, my best advice is to hire a mover.  We didn't.  We couldn't.  We were given a moving allowance, but it did not cover the $7k it would have cost. We packed a 26' UHaul full.  It was grueling work.  I did most of the packing all by myself because of Kenny's work schedule.  Start a month ahead of time, at least.  Get friends to help if you can.  Thanks to our dear friends, I did not load the truck at all.  Unloading in the pouring rain in four hours was a nightmare.  Get help at the new place if you can.  We should have hired the hourly help to unpack.  Buy the stupid moving insurance.  A few bucks is worth the peace of mind knowing they'll replace your stuff.  Did I say this already?  If you can, get rid of all or most of your stuff and buy new!

This list is long, I know.  It's certainly not complete, but I will give you a break now.  One day it might be useful.  It's really nice down here.  Come January, you might just consider a move to the South too.

Hugs, Ya'll!

Habits and the Freedom to Choose Them

To say my world's been turned upside down is an understatement. With summer, packing, unpacking, and trying to get settled in a completely new place, I have fallen completely out of most routines I had established before.  In some respects, that's a good thing.  Yesterday it became clear to me that it was finally time to re-commit to some good habits, establish some new ones, and drop some old, bad ones.  (Why are the bad ones the hardest to get rid of, anyway?)  It's sometimes easy to forget that we have the freedom to choose or lose our habits among the other freedoms we have in this great nation.

I decided to go ahead and put these out here for all to see, mostly because if I let ya'll see them then I feel more apt to stick with them.  "They" say it takes six weeks to form a habit, so I better get started.

1)  Resume exercising and eating healthfully.  (Yeah, maybe that's two in some people's books, but I say they work in tandem.)
2)  Practice gratitude.
3)  Speak and act in a positive manner; put aside negativity.  Proceed confidently.
4)  Persevere.
5)  Aim high.  (Falcons, wasn't our high school motto: "To reach the heights, aim high"?)
6)  Date my husband and re-connect with him.  (This is not all personal, gushy, TMI stuff.  He has been travelling 4-5 days a week for the last seven years.  There's a lot you miss just raising kids.  The marriage experts say this should be a habit of every married couple.)

Since I am being positive and all that I won't go into the bad habits I have to drop.  Suffice it to say, there is nothing you need to worry about.  That would be a bad habit for you to fall into. ;)

What good things are you up to now?  Feel free to share your ideas for fun dates too!

Hugs!

Valleys, Mountain Tops, and a Prayer

Week 2.  While last week I was able to reflect with humor the frustrations of moving and trying to ease into a new environment, this week I just can't muster the same feelings.  I have to ask why it was that we did this.  I suppose part of it is that I have worked myself nearly into illness for four weeks packing, unpacking, running errands, and trying to make life work in general.  Honestly, much of my life the last few weeks has been spent in the valleys and not on any mountain top.  I feel fragile right now.  And drained.  Even angry at times. I've nearly reached my limit today.  I still haven't taken care of all the business I need to. No license, cars not registered, kids not enrolled in school.  All these things are linked and have to be done in a certain sequential order.  And we are still waiting for my husband's paycheck (from his former employer) that was supposedly mailed last Friday and awaiting answers as to why it has not shown up.  I have trust issues...is this merely a coincidence?

I don't mean to complain, and I am stopping myself from revealing the entire tragic list.


I desperately need of a few blessings and/or miracles. A dose of faith and ton of good fortune wouldn't hurt either.  And a million bucks, of course.  I realize I am not the only one, and some of you may be in similar need.  I will say a prayer of blessing for you, dear readers.  May I ask you to pray for me also? 


This is the benediction from church this past Sunday.  It is part of what I pray for you:

"Irish Blessing"

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind blow at your back

May the sun shine warmly on your face

May the rain fall softly on your field

And until we meet again, until we meet again

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Amen

A Place You've Read About

I could probably blog for days about the experiences I have had moving.  It's been an experience like no other.  And that phrase you've heard about "if it could go wrong, it did", well, yeah, that's pretty much true. We got here on Sunday evening.  It was pouring rain.  All the neighbors managed to find an excuse to come out and gawk at us poor fools unpacking a 26' Uhaul in the rain.  Not a one came over to help.  Southern hospitality??  On day three the sewer backed up because no one had lived in this house for 5 months, and things dry up and stop up after a while.  The inner compartments of the refrigerator are broken.  And the vent on the microwave.  And the garbage disposal was broken.  And although I brought my own washer and dryer, they're not hooked up yet.  Washer and dryer don't work much better than the rest.  But I do like it here, really.

The red tape here is so intricate.  When it comes to establishing yourself, you begin to wonder what comes first.  You can't get a driver's license with less than four forms of identification: something that proves residency, previous license, SS card, birth certificate, marriage certificate (if your name is different than on birth certificate).  Proofs of residency are very specific, but if I have a weapons permit I can get a license.  Handy if I am going to take it on the road Bonnie and Clyde style.  You have to have a driver's license to register and title your car, but the license application wants to know if you have any untitled autos at your residence.  Both titles are in Kenny's name. I can't enroll my kids in school without 6 pieces of identification.  Yesterday, the store where I paid CASH for a sofa called.  They wanted to confirm delivery.  They also asked if I had closed on my house or signed a lease yet before they delivered.  I hope so, since I've lived here a week.  All the same, I paid CASH!  If I want you to leave the sofa on the porch, what do you care, lady?  But I do like it here, really.

Maybe people who move to Ohio from other states have to go through all this stuff?

This is the kind of place you read about.  A small southern town.  The police department actually sets up a cruiser at the edge of town with a dummy in it all day to deter speeders.  I am not kidding.  A lot of folks drive through here to get to the beach.  It's not Mayberry, mind you.  It has modern conveniences and hip little establishments.  It's artsy and horsey.  The Carolina Cup takes place here.  There are antebellum homes and new subdivisions.  If you read southern chick fiction, you will read about a place like this.  And you might not think it truly exists.  Oh, but it surely does.  You won't just run across it, and you have to go looking for it.  It is the kind of place where I always wanted to lead a peaceful life.  And it will be peaceful, as soon as I can acclimate.  I do like it here, really, ya'll.